Soot and Stars

Hark! A Mem!

2009-11-11T03:00:13Z

1. I'll respond with something random about you
2. I'll challenge you to try something
3. I'll pick a colour that I associate with you
4. I'll tell you something I like about you
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on yours

Sorry the text formatting is fucked up.

2009-11-11T02:55:33Z

LJ went down the MINUTE I pressed the "update" button so I had to e-mail this entry to myself so I didn't lose it. That's why the text formating is fucked up. I really don't like saving LJ entries on my hard drive because I kinda think it's a waste if I'm going to upload it onto the interweb. So this is what I wrote last night.

Today (yesterday now) was a pretty A-OK day. I hit the pillow last night and slept
really soundly because I'm kinda sick. Then I woke up and went to
Japanese. I totally fucked up on all the exercises today and it got me
down. But Yuki Sensei (I guess I'll call her Yuki Sensei to
differentiate between my Japanese teacher, Yuki and fire friend, Yuki)
did boost my confidence because she gave me a practice test for the
next level of JLPT test and told me to try it. It was her way of
saying, "I think this is too easy for you." I dunno, I think part of
the reason I really like Yuki Sensei is because she really gives me
positive encouragement, unlike Sumiko, my tutor on Wednesday. I don't
know if she knows it or not but she talks to me like I'm stupid and
she sort of has this, "Of course you don't get it! You're a
foreigner!" attitude. She also cringes when I sneeze because of my
allergies, whereas Yuki Sensei brings tissue packets to give to me.
lol.
After class I came home and took a 30 minute nap in the kotatsu, which
is a Japanese low table with a heater underneath. It's fucking
heavenly in the winter. When Hiroko came over brought our new
stove over she also set up the kotatsu area. She made it super cute and cozy with with pink and purple blankets, hence why I can't be mad anymore. She really treats
Conor and I like her children and along with that comes the roles that
male and female children are supposed to play in a family. Unforutuantely, I know how female children are treated in Japanese families when there's also a boy in the family. The girl always gets the short end of the stick even though the family loves her, they always love the boy more.
Anyway, Omg, was my fucking nap heavenly. I went into REM sleep and
had some weird dreams that I've already forgotten. I woke up and I DID
NOT want to go to work but I jumped on my bike and made it to work in
time even though I snoozed 10 minutes longer than I should have. Haha,
I have gotten faster at bicycling!
School today was OK. My problem child canceled and that was a relief.
I amused myself by wasting money at the dollar store on materials that will
help me study, like a white board. My last class was really funny. Meg
and I were reading a boring passage from her boring text book (that we
always end up cracking jokes about because it's easy to make fun of)
and all of a sudden Conor burped. That sent us into a 10 minute giggle
fit. I was laughing so hard I was crying. I swear to god, Meg is
really quiet but get that girl laughing and she won't stop. She's had
me in tears before in a giggle fit. lol. She's a nice girl and I enjoy
teaching her.
I came home and saw the stray cats that live by the canal when I was
passing through. I bought some tuna fish for them at the store when I
bought my groceries to make dinner and then went back to the canal feed them. There
was an old lady standing by the cats when I arrived. They all seemed to know her and they were purring loudly. She started talking to me and I had a really long
conversation with her in Japanese. I'm always astounded when I can
have long, fluent conversations. It's like, "Where did that come
from???" I guess it depends on the situation and how comfortable I am with the person I'm talking to. You see, I have terrible social anxiety that I manage to hide REALLY WELL, but honestly, I'm scared shitless of people and talking to strangers. People are always shocked to hear that but it's true. People scare the crap out of me because I'm really sensitive and a lot of people don't understand that. If someone says something I don't understand I get nervous and I just freeze and forget Japanese sometimes. It's happened in really important situations and I want to kick myself in the ass every time it happens. I also feel embarrassed sometimes if I can't say something almost perfectly and I have to make motions with my arms and throw random words out to get my point across. If I'm comfortable talking with someone, it feels OK to do that. But if I don't, I usually clam up and get out of the conversation as fast as I can ^^ Miki told me that she thinks my Japanese is really good and I told her it's only good when I'm not nervous. I usually keep it a secret that I can speak because I don't want to make a mistake and feel embarrassed.
Anyway, the old lady was really nice and I didn't feel nervous talking to her. told me all about the cats and what their names
are (she named them). She told me she feels so sorry for them because
they get hungry and cold in the winter so she comes to feed them every
morning. I told her that I look for them at night and she said that
they're usually out in the morning. I told her that they're probably
out tonight because it's warm and the weather is good. She also
mentioned a couple had gone to the pet hospital oO I'm not sure what
she meant because she was using big words at this point because I guess she thought I'm my Japanese is more fluent than what it is. But I know for sure they aren't her cats because she told me they're strays. She taught me the
word for stray cat but I forgot ^^ She also showed me a kitten that
I'd never seen before. Apparently it hides a lot. She said it's
eyesight is bad and it can't see very well, especially in the dark.
She was a really nice old lady and I'm happy I made a new friend. She
listened to me speak retarded and talked to me like I was a human
being. I was really hungry so I told her I needed to dump the tuna out
of the cans and take the cans with me because I had to cook dinner.
She told me not to worry and she'd throw them away. So now I have a
human friend and lots of cat friends in the neighborhood. lol. It's
about time I made some friends around here.
Oh yeah, and the caught the freak face guy who killed this British
teacher two years ago!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/coventry_warwickshire/8352230.stm
When the crime happened, the murderer literally walked right past the police
while they were waiting for him outside his apartment and they didn't do JACK SHIT. Jeez,way to go Japanese police force.
When I walked in the house his face was all over the TV and I asked Conor if they finally caught the guy and he said, "Yep." It's about damn time. That poor girl's family had every right to be upset about the lack of investigation in the case.
The police wouldn't even give the family details about the investigation. Man, the only thing the cops are good for here is giving fucking directions. For serious. Once there was a hostage situation near my university in Nagoya and the cops just ran in
circles with riot gear trying to look busy outside the house. They
didn't do jack shit. Useless, useless, useless. No wonder they make such a big deal out of busting that poor singer, Noriko Sakai, for drug possession. She went to Amami Oshima. Haha.
http://search.japantimes.co.jp/cgi-bin/nn20091027a2.html
Way to go guys! Way to get the job done, team! Jeez.
So now I'm just chillin. I went on a cleaning rampage and now there
seems to be order in the house.
I'm excited for tomorrow because Wednesdays are always fun. I have
Japanese class, and then I usually have lunch with Miki. After lunch I
teach Luka and then I have good students at work. Wednesday is also
pay day and Conor and I always go to karaoke. But this Wednesday is
even more awesome because I'm meeting up with Coco for coffee after
work! Yea! I haven't seen Coco in so long! So tomorrow will be a very
good day. Even if it's raining, I can enjoy it because I have my
rainbow rain boots and I won't have to worry about getting my feet wet
:)

2 out of 3 ain't bad!

2009-11-09T04:14:55Z

The weekend was a lot of fun. I went with Miki and Taka (her boyfriend of like, 10 years or something crazy like that) to a small hippie event. Masa wasn't there (thank god) but a lot of people who know him were ::smacks forehead:: When Miki would introduce me to people, they'd always ask her how she knows me and she'd say, "This is Masa's ex-girlfriend" and then everyone would laugh and I'm not sure why... I bet he's sick of hearing about me from his friends. har har. Anyway, I got to spin a solo fire show and that was fucking awesome. So I was reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaally happy about that. Everyone really enjoyed my fire show and since it was a candle art show, it was also appropriate. I liked being able to be part of the art I was appreciating :) I spent the night at Taka and Miki's and then I spent all day at their house yesterday. They're such peaceful people. The vibe in their home is just incredible.
This morning I woke up to a text message from Brenna saying that she FOUND MY iPOD THAT'S BEEN MISSING SINCE FEBRUARY!!! I was like, "HOLY SHIT?!" I was SOOOOOOOOOOO upset when it disappeared because my mom got it for me and it was expensive. However, I had a sneaky feeling that it wasn't gone forever, it was just somewhere in Brenna's house and I was right. So tonight, I may go to Tokyo to fetch my long, lost friend and bring it home and then ::gasp:: I'LL HAVE MUSIC TO LISTEN TO WHILE I'M ON THE GO AGAIN!! I'm a lucky girl today! That's for sure despite the fact that I have a TERRIBLE sinus infection. I guess 2 out of 3 ain't bad!

alannalp @ 2009-11-05T23:45:00

2009-11-05T15:02:02Z

I tried to do Shawna's voice post thing because it looked like fun. I made a video and then I realized how much the fucking mic on my computer sucks so there's no point in actually posting it :( Sadness.

Anyway, Martin fb msg'd this to me. It's pretty fucking amazing, actually. It starts out kinda stupid but give it a minute and it gets REALLY COOL. You gotta watch it if you're into spirituality, meditation or psychedelic philosophy. Even if you're not, the visuals and the frequencies are still pretty cool :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fB_XI8HxI00

I think everything I've gone through during the past six months is coming together and finally starting to make sense to me. I've had a lot of hard lessons I've had to learn and I think that I'm becoming a better person because of all the bad things that happened. I enjoy anger and sorrow too much sometimes and I've learned that those destructive emotions are not emotions that bring love and light to my life and I really want to change that. I've been thinking recently that I may not finish my contract here...that maybe I'm seeking something that I have to find. I'm starting to really feel that I need to go back packing and I've also been feeling that I should go down to India because all the people I know who have been there say it's amazing. But I have to make money for all of this first so I need to stay here long enough to make that money.

My dreams this week have been full of messages and they've all been really vivid. This current dream season I'm in has been giving me so much insight into the dark time in my life I'm starting to come out of. Things are changing, that's for sure.

OK, I have to go to bed so I can get up early and CLEAN tomorrow. Hiroko wants to come over and look in our closets for that fucking stove even though Conor has gone through all of these closets and says it's not in any of them. Oh well. There's nothing I can really do about that.

Oh yeah, Saturday I'm going with Miki to this hippie thing. I'm not sure what it is, actually, but I'm going. lol. I'm sort of nervous because the the guy who's organizing it is a mutual friend of Miki and Masa's. Miki went to the guy's art show last week and she said she wished she'd invited me. I told her I was gonna ask to come but I was afraid Masa would be there and he'd be like, "What's that crazy bitch doing here?" Miki replied, "Don't you want to see him?"
"Of course I want to see him," I said. "But he doesn't want to see me." I think she really wants Masa and I to talk and that's why she's started inviting me to things he'll be at but...I don't know if I'm ready to talk to him. I'd be so happy to see him but at the same time I'd be so scared to even say, "Hey, what's up?"
Miki actually invited me to do a fire show at her art exhibition in December (Oh god, I don't know what I'd do if Masa showed up ^^ He probably won't come if he knows I'm spinning and though ^^)! I'm really stoked! She requested that I use palm torches and there will be a live painting happening while I perform. I invited some people to perform with me and so far, it's Janika and Yuki. I'm actually really flattered Yuki accepted the invitation because she's a professional and she won't be getting paid for this. I also contacted Brian in Osaka about the goth show and so I may have a show down there soon as well. That would be really nice.

Anyway, I'm feeling tired but excited for the good things that are happening. I feel like the healing progress I've made lately is starting to show. Let's hope it continues.

Pink Kiss, kiss, bang, bang.

2009-11-01T14:23:06Z

Hope everyone had an amazing Halloween! I'm not gonna lie, I look damn hot in this picture and I love the costume the girl next to me is wearing. We look like we're ready to fight bad guys. Hell fucking yeah. No one can defeat Pink Kiss Power! lol.

"Corrupt Cops and Crack Rocks"

2009-10-30T13:17:11Z

I have a lot to say but I also have a lot to do before I go to bed tonight.
My Fucking Halloween Costume is Going to Suck Balls This Year. Booooo!
First off, tomorrow is Halloween and my costume just has not come together this year which REALLY PISSES ME OFF. I LOVE having awesome Halloween costumes. But I've been so busy and the part of Tokyo (where all the cool stuff is) is about an hour and a half from here and I just don't have 5 hours to spend before work looking for a stuff to use in my costume. I found a craft store near me yesterday, actually and I was going to get some stuff to make cool butterfly wings with after work but I'd planned to go shopping with Conor for his birthday so I didn't have a chance to get to the craft store because it's about 45 minutes from my job. I really, really hate Chiba because it's so inconvenient. I seriously have to plan 2 hours in advance before I go anywhere. Well, I wanted to be a sexy butterfly with my pink outfit and fluffy pink leg warmers but I don't think that's going to work out because of the lack of wings and also some T.M.I problem that I just developed today. It's one of those "Wtf?? How did THAT happen?" things...so I guess back to the drawing board. I will probably end up being a belly dancer because I have all the stuff for the costume but that's so fucking boring. I go around in the Japanese fire scene and I fucking see belly dancer costumes all the time at performances. It's so BORING to me by now. I don't want to be a boring old belly dancer.
I could be a witch because I bought some really cool black pants with holes up the side and a black skirt that matches but witches are boring too. I wish my mom would have sent my peacock costume from the States or my pumpkins shirt but she told me she didn't have time so I'm stuck without a good costume! ::cries::
The Past Two Days in Brief
What else? Wednesday I had Japanese tutoring which was fun. My tutor made me translate a bunch of shit into Japanese verbally and I did pretty well. Then I met Miki for lunch. We had Indian food. As soon as we sat down and started talking she asked, "DID YOU MEET WITH HIM?!" and I was like, "Who's him??? Masa?" and she nodded her head. I was like, "No...why would I?" She told me that he went to the festival that she and I were going to be doing the yard sale at in Yoyogi Koen last Sunday. That sent chills up my spin. I was like, "Woah, that would have been awkward. Did you tell him I was going to go?" And she said something like, "Well, you wanted to go so I just didn't tell you he would be there." Man, his friends are schemers. First there was the shit his friends pulled when he and I ran into each other at the club and now Miki even tried to pull a fast one to get us to talk to each other...but Miki is my good friend and she knows how much it means to me (and she also knows the other side of the story, which I'm really curious about but can't get out of her). Every time I meet Miki she asks if I've seen him...::sighs:: Well anyway, Conor and I also did Karaoke Wednesday night.
Yesterday I met my tutor I pay for Japanese class. She was shocked when she found out that I can do all the Japanese exercises she gives me without looking at the English translations. She said that I must have a very natural way of thinking in Japanese if I can do that. She added that she thinks that I will pass the test with a 90% at least. Here's hoping. I really want to move forward in my Japanese studies and if I can pass this test then I can start preparing for the next level and increase my reading, speaking and listening skills because my foundation will not be shaky anymore.
Last night Conor and I watched Nightmare Before Christmas together after work and drank some beer (he drank whiskey too but he didn't tell me since I confronted him about his drinking problem on Wednesday). Then we went to the park and he played hoop and I played poi. It was fun.
The gas man came to do a safety check of the house this morning and told us we need a new stove. Our stove almost explodes every time we turn it on. I told Hiroko he said we need a new one and she said, "its fine," and I said, "No, he said it's dangerous." I then told her that our house almost blows up every time we turn on the stove and she said it sounded dangerous but I doubt she'll do anything about it ^^
One of my students made my day because she showed up dressed up like SAILOR MOON! And not just any Sailor Moon, ETERNAL SAILOR MOON, from my favorite season, Stars. I really, really wanted to have my picture taken with her but I ran out of time because I let the kids stay 15 minutes longer for the Halloween party since I had some free time before my next class and everyone was having a good time. She showed up and I walked outside to see her. "Are you Sailor Moon?" I asked. "I love Sailor Moon," I said in a very amused tone of voice. Her mom started cracking up. I added, "I used to watch Sailor Moon when I was a little girl." Dude, I can't count the amount of times I've been Sailor Moon for Halloween. So yeah, having Sailor Moon in class today was a real treat.
The Halloween parties have been going really well. Everyone really enjoys it and there's enough structure to keep things in order yet enough freedom to have fun. I threw the idea for these parties together so fast and I'm REALLY HAPPY it's working out. I knew it would be awesome or it would be a disaster. Here's how we do our Halloween parties. First I bring my class over to Conor's class. Then we go over Halloween vocabulary for Halloween Bingo and make sure everyone knows what pictures match the vocabulary they hear. Then we play a couple rounds of Bingo while we play this terrible kid's Halloween album that I bought off iTunes because Hiroko wanted music and I couldn't find any good kid's music online. Luckily, Hiroko loves the album. After Bingo is over we make trick-or-treat bags. I made like, 50000 examples of all the different things they could draw or make paper art out of and paste on the bag. The kids enjoy my art work, which is another plus because my art sucks balls. I downloaded Nightmare Before Christmas and we watch that while we make the bags so once everyone is finished making the bag, there's something to look at. Everyone also really likes Nightmare Before Christmas, including Hiroko and Conor so that's also a win. I'm surprised most of the kids have never seen the movie, considering the Japanese are APESHIT about Disney and Jack's face is on the bags of all the goth kids, much like in the States. lol. Conor and Hiroko and I have been singing Nightmare Before Christmas songs all week. Hiroko was walking around yesterday singing, "Nantoka, nantoka, This is Halloween, Halloween, Halloween!" Nantoka is what you say when you don't know how something goes so I thought that was fucking hilarious. Likewise, I sang, "This is Halloween" at karaoke on Wednesday and that was fucking awesome! It's a really fun song to sing! Conor, however, likes, "What's this" the best and bitches about "This is Halloween". Whatever.
After work Conor and I went to Lala Port, a HUGE shopping mall in Chiba. I bought him a really nice $70 jacket with pot leaves on it. He has been ranting and raving about that store since he found it a couple months ago and how he wished the clothes weren't so expensive because he really likes them so I decided to get him something nice. We walked around and ate Takoyaki and laughed at people. lol.
Tomorrow I'm going to Tokyo after work to meet Kyoko, who I haven't seen IN AGES. Then after that I'm meeting Janika in Kawasaki and we're going to the Halloween parade. Then after that I guess I'm going to a Halloween party but I'm not sure which one yet...there's a few I know about but I want to go to a good one. If only I could wear the costume I want to wear but I just don't have time for it! ::cries::
I need to shower and then clean the house and put together a costume. I also have to fucking write this essay for some program my sister is applying to because she doesn't have the confidence to do it herself and she won't fucking leave me alone about it. Although with the way my mouse hops around on the computer, my writing won't make much sense either. I just caught it moving my text around without me knowing and it fucks my writing up all the time! I should seriously charge her $50 for this because I don't have time to write an essay for her. Writing is easy for me but it's not like I can write a good essay in under an hour. I'll knock off $10 from my usual private lesson going rate and charge her $20. My time is actually worth money these days ;p

Last year Halloween in Chicago was STELLAR. I hope Halloween in Tokyo can come close. There's no fire spinning so there's no way it will TOP last year but I hope it's a good fucking time. I dunno, I sort of feel like Halloween in Japan is like Nightmare Before Christmas reversed-- meaning if Santa Clause stumbled into Halloween town and tried to bring Halloween to Christmas Town. I can tell you one thing, the Japanese DO NOT understand what Halloween is about because it's only been in Japan for a few years. That's why I think this parade tomorrow will be REALLY INTERESTING. So I'll forfeit a good costume just to check it out since who knows if I'll ever spend Halloween in Japan ever again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpvdAJYvofI

I love the part when Jack eats the fire and catches on fire. That's so fucking awesome. I wish I could do that and not die. lol.

Happy all Hallows Eve Eve, kids. I'll be back the first week of November, no doubt with some crazy story to tell. lol.

alannalp @ 2009-10-28T01:13:00

2009-10-27T16:46:45Z

I’m Just Wake Walking Through My Dreams
Well today was interesting. I had the strangest dream this morning. Recently I've been having dreams that are so real that I'm shocked they didn't happen when I wake up. A couple of couple of weeks ago I cut a dead branch off of my little palm tree before I went to sleep. I woke up in my dream and walked into the living room. The first thing I saw was that the branch on my palm tree had grown back but it was flourishing. It was sprouting huge, beautiful, long, bright green leaves. I was shocked because I remembered that I'd just cut the branch off the night before. When I woke up in my actual waking life I walked into the living room and was shocked to see that the branch on my palm tree looked the way it did the night before. I took it as a way of my subconscious telling me that I cut something bad out of my life and now the part of me I cut off will grow back healthier and better than before.
Last week I had several strange lucid dreams on the beach when I was at the Shangri-la party and so I've entered another phase of dreams. My dreams always come and go. I have intense periods of dreams that follow dream after dream and then sometimes I go for months at a time without having dreams. I guess when I need dreams to guide me, I have them and when I don't they're not there.
Anyway, this morning I picked up my cell phone in my dream and saw that Masa had actually replied to me. I read his e-mail and it was strange because usually, reading in my dreams feels strange. It's not a natural feeling when I read in my dreams. But this felt like everyday life, which is why I wasn't aware it was a dream at first. His reply was, word for word, this. "Thanks. I'm sorry too. But now that I'm getting over it it's not so bad anymore." When I woke up in the waking world and checked my phone, I realized that the reply was a dream but it had a lot of meaning in it. I don't know if it reflects how I feel about everything or if I'm picking up on how my message made him feel, but it left me feeling that there's finally peace. I don't think he'll ever contact me again but that dream made me feel that everything is settled and if I saw him again, I could face him.
Fake Halloween and Scary Movies
I walked outside and it was really hot, which is normal after a typhoon. I was wearing long sleeves and I had to run back inside and change. Then it was off to Japanese class. I always feel bad for my Japanese tutors because I always see them in the morning and that's when my allergies are the worst. I usually sneeze for the first half hour and have to excuse myself and wipe my nose. I hate the dirty looks Japanese people give me when I sneeze-- I'm sorry I have terrible allergies and I'm living in a house that makes me sick. But today's tutor is really nice and she's always really concerned about my allergy problems. We studied kanji (which I kicked ass on) and some grammar that was also equally easy. She said something strange to me about another test that I may be invited to take oO I didn't really understand what she meant but she said something about a test in November that the same organization is chosing people to take oO I don't know...we'll see. I haven't done anything excpet register for this test so I don't know why they'd chose me. My Japanese sucks.
After tutoring I went home and enjoyed having absolutely nothing to do for a couple hours since one of my students canceled. Then I went to tutor Luka-chan. Luka-chan is fucking hilarious. I was going over body parts with her and she smacked her hands on her chest like asking me how to say, "boobs" in English. I was like, "Noooooooo, I'm not telling you that one." Then she said, "Pai pai!" (boobs in baby talk Japanese. The grown up word is oppai, which is like breast. Chi chi is more like boobs or tits) to let me know that yes, that is indeed what she was asking. Then I was like, "Alright, boobs." Then she laughed at me. Her mom thought it was fucking hilarious too. Akiko actually asked me about host families today. She wanted to know how I found mine and I told her that I found mine online. She was surprised because she had a friend in college who went to America and stayed with a host family and had a "dangerous experience". She didn't elaborate but she asked me if it's dangerous. I told her how fucking cool the Uwazumis are and how I went through the process of meeting them. She asked me if she could find someone to host online. I wanted to be like, "Omg, I would so come and live with you guys!" because I REALLY like their family and I think it would be good for everyone. And they're RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER from work. But since I'm the English teacher it would be a little weird.
Work today was fun. We had more Halloween fun. Conor and I put two big classes together and that worked out really well. I wore my school girl costume today and all the kids and mothers were like, "Ooooooooooh kawaii!!" Yesterday I was a belly dancer and all the girls looked at me like I was some kind of princess with my shiny clothes and rhinestone bindi and bells on my waist and ankles. I'm running out of costumes though. All my good stuff is at home in the States ;p
After work I came home and asked Conor if he wanted to go outside and drink some beer and play some hoop but he was like, "It's fucking cold." ;p Whatever. So I ended up watching Nightmare on Elm Street for the first time ever. I have always been scared shitless by the thought of watching that movie because the movie posters for Nightmare on Elm Street scared the crap out of me when I was a kid. But we have this CD of retarded Halloween music at work and there's a "rap" on it about Freddy Crouger so I decided to watch it since I've had that dumb song stuck in my head for days. And that movie was WEEEEEEEEEEEEEAK. Omg. I thought the concept was really cool but the script sucked although damn, that Nancy girl could fight! I liked the fact that she isn't afraid to use fire! lol. I also didn't realize that when Kevin beats up the bad guys in Home Alone it's a rip off of Nightmare on Elm Street. lol. Anyway, after that I decided I wanted to watch The Gate but I couldn't find all of it on Youtube so I decided to try to download it (along with Nightmare Before Christmas, because I've had "This is Halloween" stuck in my head for days as well). I miss Halloween. The Japanese are like "Oh look at our decorations" and the kids are all wearing costumes from Disneyland or lame witch hats and crap like that. Hiroko made candy bags for the kids and they have the weirdest Japanese snacks in them. I have half a mind to buy some Snickers and Kit-Kats and be like, "No, THIS is what we hand out at Halloween!". Conor doesn't have a costume so Hiroko made him wear a plastic witch hat. I suggested he wear his skeleton bone jacket so he's been telling all the kids he's a "witch skeleton". Rotflmao. Oh Con Con.
So I need to shower, wash my hair and take out the trash. Then I'm going to bed. Another fun filled morning of allergy problems coming right at me. Oh boy, oh boy. I can't wait. Right now, if someone offered me a bottle of Flonase or awesome sex I'd TOTALLY take the Flonase. No doubt. I miss my allergy medication so much! ::cries::

Laser Mirror Dancer.

2009-10-26T16:30:28Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXypUsMP2lo

This is crazy! I wanna be a laser mirror dancer! How do you even get into that oO If I ever meet anyone who shoots lasers you bet your ass I will try to get into this. lol.

alannalp @ 2009-10-25T23:04:00

2009-10-25T14:06:16Z

I really love my mom. Even though I've talked a lot of shit about her in the past she's done everything she can for me. I'm so happy I can talk to her and she'll listen to me <3 I'm lucky to have my mom.

Shangri-la

2009-10-23T04:31:43Z

Pictures from the party last weekend. Check it out because I don't know if I'll get around to writing about it. This album was taken at dawn :)

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2278184&id=21412647&l=9b11ffa1af

Standing Up for the Lonely

2009-10-22T04:39:32Z

Everyone told me to stay away from you
But I couldn't listen, I couldn't shake the way that you move
I saw the warning signs from the start
But I never thought you'd break my heart- my heart

I'm standing up for the lonely
and the lovers that you left behind
and baby every time...
You said you're sorry and call me
Oh, if only you could read my mind
you'd figure in time

My dirty angel you've done it now- it's too late
You put your footprints into the ground- a careful mistake
I lay in your bed cold, craving the sun- Oh no...
And I used to think you were the one- the one

I'm standing up for the lonely
and the lovers that you left behind
and baby every time...
You said you're sorry and call me
Oh, if only you could read my mind
you'd figure in time

Feeling down and so vulnerable
we're calling your bluff
give me a reason why you can't keep your story straight-
And babe I've had enough!
I refuse to get emotional
No, this will take more...
Put fire out with fire- dirty liar gonna even up the score!

I'm standing up for the lonely
and the lovers that you left behind
and baby every time...
You said you're sorry and call me
Oh, if only you could read my mind
you'd figure in time

Oh pop dance music. Love it.

"There is no such thing as death, life is only a dream and we are the imgination of ourselves"

2009-10-18T14:55:19Z

I had a fucking rad day. It was like, one of the best days I've had in a long time. I went to a camp out beach party with Conor last night and we had a blast through the night and all day today. We stayed at the beach all day today and watched the sun go down. I'm so lucky Conor is in my life. We love each other so much. Some people spend their entire lives looking for this kind of love and never find it and what's the most awesome thing about our relationship is that we don't need physical contact or even words sometimes to express our love for each other. I hope that everyone can find that kind of love somewhere in their lives. <3

Some other really phenomenal things happened to me today but some of it is really spiritual and I'm always hesitant to write about spiritual things because I know not everyone agrees with my take on spirituality. I'm very private with my spirituality and I intend to keep it that way.

Today was a beautiful day. The weather was beautiful, the ocean was beautiful, the people were beautiful, the music was beautiful. Life is beautiful. I needed to have an experience like this. It's been far too long since I've felt this way. It's days like this that recharge and helps me put my life in perspective.

"Shop Til You Drop at the Spooky Boutique" (actually, there's nothing spooky about this entry XD)

2009-10-16T16:15:01Z

Omg, I went on a shopping spree this week. On Wednsday I thought, "Hum...I wanna look around in Shel'tter." Shel'tter is hands down my favorite store in Tokyo. The look is kinda like Shibuya girls with super short skirts and spike heels and crazy hair but I style it a little differently because I love their clothes but I can't flaunt it like that, I'm too much of a Tomboy ^^ Their clothes are usually EXPENSIVE (we're talking like, $40 for just a T-shirt and I've seen jeans in that store that are $200) so I don't shop there much. I splurge when I see something that is just too fantastic to pass up because a lot of things in that store are really, really cool. Well, low and behold, they were having a SALE and a whole bunch of REALLY AWESOME CLOTHES were on sale for $21 a piece! My first trip into the store on Wed I spent fucking $63.

I love this shirt. The pattern strikes a nostalgic kandi kid chord in my heart and the sleeves have a little poof like a princess sleeve. I wore it Thursday with a little bit of kandi I still have laying around and I looked adorable but fat so no pictures of me! XD

More Awesome Clothes (and a Couple Pairs of Boots) Here!

I love the pattern on this sweater. It reminds me of the 1960's. Not sure what I can wear it with...I just like it :)

This is good for the hippie look. Or I could wear it with jeans and brown boots...only I need to FIND some new jeans first -_- Either way, it's S-T-Y-L-I-N.

Then I went back and bought a hoodie yesterday and that was another $21.

It's still too warm for this but when it gets cold, black stechpants and my black fuzzy boots. But I need a cute hat to go with it. Huuuuum.

When I was in the store yesterday I convinced myself to walk out without this dress but I went back for it today. It's a little large because it's a medium but it'll prolly shrink in the wash. Yes. I wear Japanese smalls most of the time ^^ I'm not really thin, I just like my clothes tight and I have no boobs (well, by American standards at least).

I got some new boots last week. These were pretty cheap and they fit. I'm a Clydesdale pony!

These aren't from Japan but I love them! It's been raining a lot so my mom sent me some rainboots! Rainbow boots are awesome!

There. Done. No more. And I need to STAY OUT OF SHEL'TTER. It's always a BAD IDEA for me to go into that store ;p

I talked to Sven today for the first time in a long time. He asked me about Masa and I was like, "...you didn't hear about that..." When I told Sven that Masa and I broke up he was shocked. Everyone who saw us together was surprised. I dunno, maybe everyone else fell for his stupid lies too. Anyway, Sven asked for Masa's contact info and at first I was like, "NO." But then I retracted with the statement, "Maybe Masa won't think I'm such a BITCH if I give you his contact info."
It's like, no matter how hard we try we're still in each other's lives. This is so dumb. I wish we could just be cool with each other ;p

Anyway, I'm meeting Brenna in Tokyo for coffee tomorrow afternoon and then Conor and I are going to a part in Kanagawa. It's a beach party and I don't like cold beaches but it may be the last camp out I go to this year so I wanna enjoy it. I just need to bring some warm clothes ^^ I hope there's some fire spinners there! I don't have any fuel and I want to spin fire!

Time to go to sleep. I slept for 10 hours last night and I'm still tired. As my dad says (in his cute Southern accent), "I was born tired and never got rested."

alannalp @ 2009-10-15T22:56:00

2009-10-15T13:57:37Z

I'm fucking exhausted. Jeez. I need a break. I can't do anything tonight. I'm going to bed. My schedule is just too full.

High Tech Graveyards in Japan

2009-10-13T12:37:36Z

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8302476.stm

Woah, indoor graveyards operated by robotic arms and computers??? I've never seen one of these places (and known it) so now I'm REALLY CURIOUS. It sucks you have to have a swipe card to get inside. I'd really like to see what the interior of one of these places looks like, considering I love strolling through graveyards and I've never been to one like this!

China is still waging a peaceful war but by showing off weapons, not using them. Intimidating stuff.

2009-10-11T18:05:53Z

http://www.economist.com/displaystory.cfm?story_id=14569466

"IT WAS hardly a celebration, with no one allowed to line the streets or even stand on balconies to watch the troops and tanks parade through central Beijing. Amid tight security, China marked its National Day on October 1st with an extravaganza showing off a rapidly growing arsenal of sophisticated made-in-China weaponry.
Even homing pigeons, commonly kept by Beijing residents, had to stay in their cages (for fear of bombing pigeons, apparently). Kite-flying was banned. China did not want its first military parade in a decade to be marred by any hint of the unrest that has roiled the distant regions of Tibet and Xinjiang in the past two years. Citizens were encouraged to stay at home and watch the spectacular on television.
Unlike at the parade in 1999, which featured Russian-made SU-27 fighter-jets streaking overhead, this parade, marking the 60th anniversary of the founding of communist China, involved only Chinese-built equipment. This included everything from J-10 fighters, a newly developed plane boosted as a serious competitor to America’s F-16, and missiles, including the nuclear DF-31 intercontinental ballistic one capable of hitting anywhere in America. The Pentagon says the DF-31 has been deployed in the past two or three years. Unlike China’s older silo-based strategic missiles, which would have been relatively easy to destroy before launch, the DF-31 can be concealed on the back of a lorry...
It was also intended to show the Communist Party’s own strength at a time of global economic crisis. 'Today, a socialist China geared toward modernization, the world and the future stands rock firm in the east', said President Hu Jintao in a speech. On the vast expanse of Tiananmen Square before him, tens of thousands of students flipped colored cards to form phrases such as “obey the party’s command” and “be loyal to the party”. Even the weather paid heed. After several days of smog and occasional drizzle, the sky over Beijing turned a clear blue."

No wonder we shot a missile at the moon. Jeez. China is asserting it's power on earth and America is trying to show dominance in space. East vs. West power struggle getting a little more hostile but at least it's only symbolic for now. I doubt anyone will attack anyone but man, arms races are ridiculously expensive and China knows that. Smart of them to make a move like when everyone else is strapped for cash. The thing I wonder is, will America borrow money from China to make weapons? Wouldn't that be a catch 22? I mean, how much of America's GDP goes towards military spending and how much money do we borrow to make up for that?

OK, I'll talk about my weekend tomorrow, I just found a lot of interesting political stuff online today and felt like bull shitting politics instead of rambling about my crazy weekend :) You'll get the ramblings soon enough. Ha.

Why Face Masks are Silly and a Few More Thoughts on Obama

2009-10-11T11:52:23Z

There's been a huge number of people reported having the flu lately...so much that a lot of schools are calling off classes or shutting down completely for a day or two. If you go out you're bound to see people everywhere wearing those silly face masks. I've had students come in wearing them. They even make cute ones for kids with cartoon characters on them so wearing a face mask can be fun! However, while browsing on the Economist.com (I love that magazine. It's so well researched) I jumped onto someone's blog who was talking about the best ways to prevent swine flu. According to this blog, the Center for Diease Control has this to say about face masks.

"The surgical masks that you see some people wear were created to prevent splashes of fluid into the nose and mouth during surgery," Koonin says. They are not going to prevent virus particles from penetrating the body's defenses, although they could be useful in blocking the sneezes of a person who is already sick but has to leave the house.

I find this pretty hilarious after reading a pissed off reply in the Japan Times by some Japanese lady who got mad because some gaijin guy wrote a letter to the editor about how unsanitary Japan is. I don't remember the exact quote but it went something like, "The Japanese are even clean and considerate enough to wear face masks to prevent the spread of illness. Some companies even made it policy for all their workers to wear face masks when the swine flu paranoia first surfaced (Masa's company was one of them which is how I found out about that).
The most EFFECTIVE way to prevent the spread of illness is HAND WASHING, something that the Japanese just don't understand. I have been in countless public restrooms-- convenient stores, restaurants, train stations, shopping malls and the most shocking trend I've noticed is that most restrooms DO NOT HAVE SOAP IN THEM. I'm always surprised if I do happen to find one with soap next to the sink. So you see, this whole face mask thing is fucking retarded.
Actually, come to think about it, I didn't get sick once in Dubai and it's because it's Islamic law to wash your hands before prayer, before a meal and before cooking.
I dunno, I guess I need to start carrying hand sanitizer because I wash my hands all the freaking time because I cannot AFFORD to get sick.
Hum, maybe I should write something to the Japan Times about this and see how hard core I get flamed if they publish it. Hahah. It'd be good or a laugh.

Speaking of cleaning things. I need to take a shower and then clean the house. The house is a DISASTER. Seriously, it's so gross. I've been too busy to clean up and so now that I've had a day of doing nothing, I think I have enough energy to clean. Jeez. It's a never ending battle.

Recently I've gotten back into politics which is why my journal has taken a more political slant recently. I'm trying to keep my mind off of stupid shit and give myself more constructive things to contemplate :)

Oh yeah, and here's a great political cartoon from the economist about Obama. I think it really expresses not only his ordeal with the war in Iraq but also the civil war he's facing at home. I just see him resembling Kennedy more and more and that's scary considering how the Kennedy administration ended. It makes me feel kinda bad for the guy...I'm still sticking to what I said from the start, the guy has no idea what he's doing and he needed to stay in Congress and get some more experience before prancing into the White House like Christ into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday. If he wants to play Jesus, he has go along with the betrayal and crucifixion that comes along with it.

alannalp @ 2009-10-11T17:15:00

2009-10-11T08:25:32Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ery7RZ4tZ2Y

I agree with this 100%. This was said very well. I hope the Civil War in Washington ends so we can move forward into the future. If we keep holding back, we're going to keep falling behind and we're going to see a big brain drain happen in America. I think this sheds light on a lot more issues than just health care. I think it sheds light on the fact that Republican interests are still clinging to post WWII order of things that isn't valid anymore in America. The world is rearranging itself and America needs to rearrange itself with the world. I'm not sure how long it will take, but I think that if America doesn't change, our best and brightest people will start living and working overseas and giving our needed intelligence to other countries. That's just my opinion and it's based on the fact that I know a lot of people who have left the States and I'm one of those people. I'm not one of the best and brightest people, I'm an average Jane Doe, and I know a lot of other average Janes and Johns living and working over seas. But if the average are leaving, than the best are certain to leave as well, Health care was one of the big reasons why I left too. I didn't have health insurance but I knew I could get covered in Japan and that's one reason I'm here. Yeah, Japanese health care isn't as good as America and it can be down right obnoxious but at least I can see a doctor and get treated when I need to.

Let me reiterate this for my conservative, Republican friends and for my liberal friends who think I speak word my thoughts about these issues too strongly. I do not hate America. I do not think all Americans are stupid. I am simply disappointed in my country and I believe that with our position in the world, we can do much better than what we're doing. I find the current political atmosphere in America depressing and I think this Civil War is going to divide our great country so much that we will no longer have the greatness that our founding fathers envisioned for us. America was a country founded on progress and the fight against health care and other things that will improve our country is not progressive.

I'm not going to get into Obama bashing because I'm honestly not sure what I think of the guy yet, part of me thinks that the core of my first impression of him and his campaign were completely correct. But let me say this, I think that what America needs right now is a middle of the road man or woman who can bring both parties together like a family. Obama polarized our country too much. I was a big Clinton supporter and she would have done the same thing. We need a great compromiser at this point, and although I didn't like Ted Kennedy, I think his ability to bring law makers together is something that is missing from America right now and someone needs to step up and fill his shoes.

alannalp @ 2009-10-11T07:04:00

2009-10-10T22:05:44Z

Bur I am mother fucking cold and now I feel like I'm getting a cold. I think I'm going to cancel all my plans for today and just take it easy, do laundry and clean the house. Shower and then bed.

Global Power Shift Battle?

2009-10-09T16:34:12Z

On Obama: I dunno, I guess it's compensation for Chicago not getting the Olympics. lol.
But all jokes aside, I find it interesting because the order of power is shifting in the world with Asia and some parts of Latin America gaining more influence globally and this international opinion is reflected, I think, in the choice to have the Olympics in Rio. But now with this it looks like America will regain some global influence it lost during the economic crisis and Bush administration. Very interesting indeed.
Honestly, I dunno, I seriously have my doubts about that guy. I just can't whoop and holl'a for a guy that hasn't really accomplished much as far as a resume is concerned. I mean, yes, becoming the first black president is a big deal BUT if you look at from a big picture point of view, I can't help but think that there's someone pulling some strings and trying to shift the blanace of power back into the post WWII order. Call me what you will but I connect the dots in politics and when people laugh in my face about something I say usually a year or two down the road something happens to prove what I predicted and I just roll my eyes and say, "Told you so." I called the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq being utter bullshit when they went down, I called a massive offensive on Gaza I was smart enough to get the fuck out of America and seek employment overseas teaching English when I was unemployed the the global economic crisis hit and I called Rio getting the Olympics because of the above mentioned global shift in power. There's other shots I've called but I don't feel like bragging about it. I'm just saying that I'm pretty good at working this puzzle because I see past the theatrics at what's really going on. Being a story teller and a political analyst is a dangerous combination because you can see patterns that other people don't see.
And as far as what I said about the moon and people thinking I was wacky, I was commenting more on the fact that America even THOUGHT of shooting a missile at the moon...like, we have enough missiles laying around to do something like that. That was also a reassertion of global dominance by taking the missile to space. That's exactly why I think it violates the UN Space Treaty, which everyone ignored in my argument on politics forum. They were more concerned with me suggesting it could affect tides on earth and had a hay day calling me uneducated. Yeah, let's see how those dopes survive when thrown out on their own in Japan ;p

OK, onto my next topic about meeting with Riyo II today.

Tribute to my dreds

2009-10-08T14:59:46Z

This is mostly for sunnybananas becasuse she's dreding her hair. As everyone knows, I had dreds for four years and I'm still upset I had to cut them off even though that was a year ago (just think, it would have been 5 years by this point if I hadn't!!). Since it's almost been a year since I hacked them off, I decided to make a little tribute to their time as part of my head. They'll be back again someday. Mark my words. My dreds will rise again!

Here's how my dreds progressed :) I had to cut them off last December. I had them for 4 years. It generally takes them about a year or two to really start looking good if you don't have them professionally done :)

After a few weeks: Sometime in October 2004

Dreddy Dred Dreds

After about half a year

One Year

Two Years hahaha at the picture. Not much has changed expect the way I dress XD

Fancy dreds all did up for the Christmas fashion show in Nagoya 2006 XD

Three years (all the pictures I wanted to use for three years wouldn't load on facebook so I had to pick one that wasn't so good ;p) Aw, Riyo I and I at the beach with Brenna and Micah. That was a good day :)

4 years: My last day with dreds before I chopped them all off :( I miss having so much hair. I seriously think I’m balding now. Every day I lose big clumps of hair like Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree ;p

This was mostly pictures. Now it's time to tell the typhoon story!

LET'S BLOW UP THE MOON! COME ON GUYS! IT'LL BE FUN!

2009-10-06T12:59:35Z

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=nasas-mission-to-bomb-the-moon-2009-06

In June Nasa launched a space shuttle that will hit the moon with a missile on October 8 or 9 (I found conflicting dates on different sources). I think this is a waste of money and it could possibly do more damage than we think because the moon controls tides on earth. America has more bombs than they know what to do with. This is stupid on a lot of different levels.

[edit] This also violates the 1967 UN Space Treaty because " First, it contains an undertaking not to place in orbit around the Earth, install on the moon or any other celestial body, or otherwise station in outer space, nuclear or any other weapons of mass destruction.

Second, it limits the use of the moon and other celestial bodies exclusively to peaceful purposes and expressly prohibits their use for establishing military bases, installation, or fortifications; testing weapons of any kind; or conducting military maneuvers.

After the Treaty entered into force, the United States and the Soviet Union collaborated in jointly planned and manned space enterprises."
http://www.state.gov/www/global/arms/treaties/space1.html

Way to go USA. Breaking international law again.

[edit] And all these douche bags on politicsforum seem to think that I'm crazy anti-progress loney for thinking this is a bad idea. I don't know, I just see this as only the beginning of humans doing a lot to harm space. We fucked our planet because we didn't know what we were doing to it. Now we're throwing trash in space and doing god knows what...and then what will happen? Like, there's a line to be drawn between research and progress and protecting what was here before us. End of story.

alannalp @ 2009-09-25T18:09:00

2009-09-25T09:28:26Z

Did you ever say anything to someone in anger that you lived to regret? Did you apologize? If so, did it bring you closer?

View 718 Answers

Ha, how fucking ironic. I cussed Masa out last week in an e-mail and it really hurt his feelings and now he hates me. The stupid thing is that I had lunch with Miki today and she insisted that Masa still cares about me even though I told her that he pretty much told me he hates me yesterday. She said that when I called him and he hung up on me last week (which is one reason I cussed him out) he called her immediately after he hung up on me to get some answers. He asked her why I was calling him and she told him that I really miss him. She said he made those Japanese thinking noises and didn't really say much about it but she said the way he reacted made her think he still cares about me... which is actually what his other friends said at the party. But the last time she talked to him was before I flew off the handle at him and ruined everything. Way to go me ;p Jeez, I didn't realize I had a shot at getting him back before that. When he responed to my angry e-mail he was obviously very hurt. He said that he was really disappointed and that e-mail completely ended our relationship (I didn't even knwo we still had one ;p) He said fuck you to me and pretty much called me a crazy bitch ("I knew your personality was crazy and not good"). I called him three times and he finally talked to me and I told him I love him and I care for him and I miss him so much and I'm really sorry about all the terrible things I said. I told him I was angry and hurt but he refused to understand. Instead, he got mad at me because he said I made him late for going to his friends house. He told me he didn't want to talk to me every again but that if I wanted to talk he'd try to make time for me this week. But yesterday he told me he doesn't like me because I sent him "shit e-mail" and I made him "breake plans" with his friend (he was only on the phone with me for an hour. Jeez. He acts like I kept him on the line for 5 hours and I had to go to Nagano too so it wasn't like I was just killing free time) and that eh doesn't like me and to just forget about him. And that was that.

So yes, I have said things out of anger and apologized and had to live with the guilt because my lover wouldn't accept my apology. Miki says that she thinks he and I need time before we can talk to each other about all of this. I think he'll never talk to me again and it's my own stupid fault for losing my temper and acting a fool "up in here, up in here". Heh. might as well end this depressing entry with a joke.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9FHbP2-of8

Hum, I hope they have this song at karaoke. Haaaaaaaaaaaa. This song pretty much rules. XD

alannalp @ 2009-09-18T22:58:00

2009-09-18T14:30:27Z

A lot happened today.
1) Caught the train to Kawasaki for class. Random young woman hit the ground on the train and stopped moving. Everyone stared and no one was helping so I called Conor and asked for emergency procedure techniques because he used to be a lifeguard. He was really drunk, however, when I called because he had spent all night in Roppongi so he wasn't much help ^^ The first thing he yelled when I told him what happened was, "IS SHE DRUNK?!" I thought, "Just because you're drunk doesn't mean she is ;p" Then Conor told me to check and see if she was breathing so I had to push past everyone gawking and check. Her eyes were open and she was blinking so I don't know what that was about...Luckily, a woman picked up her phone after she saw me get on the phone (seriously people. Everyone has a phone but no one thought about calling anyone for help!) and she called 119 (Japan's 911). When the train stopped some people helped the girl up and she stumbled off the train laughing with embarrassment. The woman who called 119 stopped the young woman and grabbed her and told her she had to wait for the ambulance. I thought that was pretty fucking straightforward. She seriously pushed the girl to the side and wouldn't let her walk away. The woman had a very forceful motherly air about her...Japanese mothers are pretty awesome people. I've seen them do a lot to completely violate the rules of society. They seriously don't give a shit about some of the petty things you see other people. I dunno, I'd NEVER want to be in a dangerous situation here because I'm almost positive no one would help. They'd just let me die. I've seen too many people turn their backs on each other here when someone needs help...and it's like, whenever someone gets hurt, they're so ashamed to face everyone that if you approach them, they act like they'd rather crawl under a rock and die instead of accept help. I've helped people before but you always have to rush in, turn your eyes, do your job and get out fast so they don't feel that sinking shame. Maybe it's those reminants of my good Catholic, small city upbringing that make me step forward in situations like that...whatever it is, the urge to help others who are hurt (unless they're in your "group") is not part of this culture.
2) I had my last class with Coco today. She gave me a sandlewood candle and told me to burn it before the show and use the aromatherapy to calm myself down and focus. It was really sweet. Now I need to get her something when I give her the pants I'm borrowing back. She showed me how she wants me to wear the makeup for the show. It's really dramatic black eye makeup with a cat's eye. She made me show her how to put it on. Then we practiced. I got the whole thing down. It looks pretty sweet. I watched Coco correct some small stuff and it looked different but my interpretation was still nice. Not as good as her's but nice. She said it looked really good and that she was actually enjoying watching me do the dance. She said she expects me to place in the contest. Oooooooooh man. Pressure.
After class we chatted and smoked a couple cigarettes and she thanked me for being her student and said that I really have molded my body and into all the shapes she wants it to take in the dance. She said she wouldn't have worked with me all the way through if she didn't think I could do it and she was proud of me. It was really sweet. Now I have to go out there and make her proud Monday.
This whole experience has been so positive for me. I'm really, really happy that I decided to do this. It's helped me so much and I know I'll always look back on these past two weeks fondly when I think about this time in my life.
3) Well, I've been trying my best to talk to Masa this week and he e-mailed me today saying that he's been "busy" for the past 2 weeks and that he'll call me when he "has time". Well, I decided to pull out all the stops and give him a piece of my mind once and for all. I wrote a tirade and sent it to him and it felt really good to finally say everything that I was holding back. I said,
I get the hint. I'll leave you alone because I seriously doubt you'll call me, you selfish coward. Our entire relationship was based completely on what you wanted and I gave you everything because I loved you so much. I feel sorry for the next girl who's unlucky enough to fall for your pathetic ass. Fuck you. You don't deserve to ever be loved by anyone again because you're too in love with yourself to think about how you make other people feel. You can't be a man and face me because you know what you did to me is wrong. You're nothing but a coward. Thanks for wasting my time.
Anyway, if you do decide to grow some balls and call me, I'll have a lot more respect for you. I really do want to settle things with you but it pisses me off that you just don't care. It makes me think that you never cared about me at all because if you used to care, you would still want to be in my life even if we aren't together. I really try to stay friends with my exes because even after a relationship ends I remember the good times much more than the bad and that's why even though I'm still hurt I want to let things go and be friends. It's just difficult when you refuse to try- like you have negative feelings towards me too and that's not cool either.
I am deleting all of your contact information from my phone. It's up to you to contact me. I'm sick of trying to reach you. I feel like I'm screaming at a wall.
So fuck him. I tried my best. I really did. I wanted to resolve things and find some kind of peace but he'll have none of that so fuck him. I hate it when it comes to this point but sometimes, no matter how much it hurts, I have to accept that he's gone. It's so hard for me to lose people, friends or lovers...because honestly, it hurts. It's the worst pain. I hate it when I can't talk to someone I care about. Friends have hurt me just as badly--if not more-- than lovers when they've turned their backs on me and it's the kind slicing hurt that really never heals. There are still some people that have gone out of my life years ago and when I think about them, I still hurt...like Adrienne. And damnit, I promised I'd never flip out on someone I care about and leave them on a bad note because of what happened to her and look what I did...Adrienne, man, I still hurt when I think about her.
4) So Nic met this fire spinner guy at a party last week and I've been talking to him. We're prolly gonna go party next weekend and spin fire. It should be fun. I heard he's missing some teeth so I'm gonna keep that in the friendship zone. lol.
5) I'm pretty much teaching a politics class to one of my students. It's been fun picking the topics I'll lecture about and asking her questions. Her name is Yukina and she reminds me a lot of myself when I was first discovering my love for international affairs. I hope I make my past teachers and professors proud. I actually e-mailed Dr. Mistry because sometimes we still talk and he's still encouraging me to go to grad school. I really want to study politics. I think that's going to be my next goal-- get a masters in political science.
OK, I'm dead tired. I think I'm going out to JFF Sunday. I need to sleep. I'm like, struggling to stay awake but I hadn't written in a couple of days and I don't like it when time slips through the pages of my life.

alannalp @ 2009-09-14T11:43:00

2009-09-14T04:17:48Z

I went to Miki's Saturday night and we had a lot of fun! She lives with her boyfriend in a house in the country. Miki and her boyfriend are really close with Masa and he kept coming up in conversation and I finally decided that if I'm going to hang out with his good friends, I need to talk to him and make things cool again. We're in the same small section of the Japanese party scene, we know a lot of the same people, we go to the same events and it just seemed like it was time to talk to him.
I called him last night and he didn't pick up the phone so I sent him a text message basically saying that Miki and I are becoming friends and because of that he and I probably going to see each other again at some point. I told him I decided to try talking to him again because I want things to be cool between us since the last time I saw him was a little awkward. I heard my phone get a text message at 8 this morning and I was like, "Shit, I know who that is." Sure enough, Masa had e-mailed me back asking if I had a good time at Miki and Taka's house and apologizing for missing my call because he was sleeping. I replied that I did and told him to call me tonight if he has time...He e-mailed me first thing in the morning so obviously he wants to talk to me. If he calls me tonight I'm going to play it cool and I'm not going to bring up breaking up. We'll see what happens...

Boy, I been watching you like the hawk in the sky up high
and you are my prey (my prey)
Boy,I promise you if we keep bumpin heads
I know that one of these days (days)
We goin' hook it up, while we talk on the phone
But see, I don't know if that's good
I been holding back this secret from you
I probably shouldn't tell it...if I

[CHORUS]
If I let you know
You can't tell nobody,
I'm talking 'bout nobody
Are you responsible?
Boy I gotta watch my back
"Cause I'm not just anybody"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xio1v_FBDAE