[16 Jun 2009|01:57am] [ mood | drained ] [ music | Blue ] Dealing with Adrienne's death has drained me today. I had to go to work and pretend like everything was fine during class. My boss comforted me while I cried. My students cheered me up. I got caught in a cloud burst when I was walking home and wheeled my bike in the dark past the canal in the pouring rain thinking about Adrienne and feeling the water under my feet flood my Crocs. I camped out on the couch with Conor or a while, listening to Air and finding comfort in the silence. We barely talked about Adrienne. We both loved her and we both are hurting because of what happened but sometimes saying nothing is just as good as saying everything. We scraped together some ingredients for dinner and Conor cooked us fried potatoes and eggs. After dinner Conor went to watch a movie in his room and I focused on my project again. I don't know why, but Adrienne's death has made me want to give this project my all because life is too short to second guess yourself and not try to follow your dreams. I've been in a daze all day with so many thoughts shifting through my mind and I'm just tired. But I need to send my project off tonight so I have to stay up until it's finished. I always regretted not reaching out to her and I took for granted the fact that I thought she was always going to be there if I ever needed her. I was wrong and I was naive and now she's gone. I poured my heart out to her in that letter I wrote and she wrote me back but I never replied. I had two months that I could have spent talking to her? Why was I so lazy? I added her on facebook a few days before she died and I thought, "Oh, I'll look at her profile later," and then she died and it's gone. I have this problem with saying, "I'll do it later," that needs to stop. If I keep putting things off life is going to pass me by. It just shows me that I need to live more of a full life. I need to love more fully, live more fully and create more fully. Thank you Adrienne, once again, you taught me something important. You were a great teacher. 9 comments|post comment

[16 Jun 2009|01:40pm] [ mood | nervous ] [ music | Blue-- The Seatblets ] So I sent my project proposal to Rolling Stones, Paste Magazine and CNN Traveler. I was so nervous when I attached the links to the e-mails. I was thinking, "Oh Christ, I hope this catches someone's eye before it's too late! And I hope I didn't miss any typos!" Seriously, I spent so many hours reading my cover letters and pieces of writing over and over and over and over again. I'm also afraid that my amateur photography will be a turn off but I explained that I need a better camera to get really good shots and I will invest in one if chosen to cover the event. I probably won't hear anything from the magazines but it's worth a shot because I really want to go to this party and I don't want to be up to my ankles in debt if I charge the expenses. I write about parties all the time, as you guys know, and take lots of pictures so it's not like it would be anything out of the ordinary for me to cover an event, it would just mean that my writing gets published in print and not just online. Tonight I'm sending my package to Viacom (for MTV or VH1)and Spin magazine. Wish me luck. I need to shine brightly to stand out in the crowd of all the other people who want to write for magazines. I know my topic is really out there and that could be a blessing or a curse. If you go fishing, the worst thing that happens is you return home with an empty basket and you have to go out and cast your net again tomorrow. ::shrugs:: We'll see what happens. I gotta to go work now. Thanks for all the love you guys sent me. I love you guys <3 2 comments|post comment

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